I wrote late into the night disappointed that I didn't write more. I feel like I could write for months without stopping. There is so much I want to write. That wants to come out of me. Yesterday I told the universe I wouldn't move unless it was a fuck yes. A 10 out of a 10 and was asking for that as a means of clarity. That inspired action would be what would guide me. It felt great to chose that. To realize that I can wait. I can be still and allow the old stories that have been wanted to be felt . . . to be felt, to be heard. To be seen and shared. As my hidden anxieties, fears, terror, grief, rage and panic come to the surface and I embody them and write. Giving them a voice. Letting them finally tell me what they have longed to for what feels like eons. Often mirroring my current situation through a homeopathic of what it once was. That is why it triggers so much. The resonance. That is the gift. If we can allow it to be shown to us. This gives me the space and presence to authentically see and love that story and myself in it with compassion, understanding and celebration for my soul's journey. For what I have experienced. For what others have given me or pushed me to remember, feel and create. Giving that energy a pen, a body, a brush, a computer, an instrument to express itself and through that reveal itself to me as I once again realign all that energy with love moving into a completely new creation.
This morning I woke up again with anxiety and fear. Feeling imbalanced and off I tried to sleep as late as I could to shift it. It wasn't happening. So I got up 5 minutes before I had to for Ann Randolph's workshop. I had an interview today at 2. A call at 12:30 and my writing workshop at 10am. The interview was with a 5-star resort to join their team as a Life Shift Bioenergetics practitioner. There was something about that call that was causing a lot of anxiety that I couldn't put my finger on. It was really intense. The zoom call time came and went. I reached out. No response. Stories came up about how I messed up, then that my energy was off. Then that things were realigning for me in a way I couldn't see or understand. That the call was going to come through at a time that was even more perfect. Tons of emotion came up. Residue from the morning that had been building up for me. I felt the grief. Shared my heart with a friend and then wondered what if this is perfect? Or rather how is this perfect? (Because it always is). I was about to find out.
A few hours later, I get a call from the owner of a company whose technology I work with in the U.S. who needed help in Costa Rica and needs help doing a pick up while sending me on a fun and mysterious little adventure around the Costa Rica while I learn about and share some of the most advanced alternative medical technology I know of in the world. A huge Fuck Yes and 10 out of 10. This specific technology is the flagship of the company and a significant part of a larger vision and project I have in the world. This is the same company that designed, developed and built the technology that, 20 years ago, first showed me that miracles do happen and results that inspired me to take my life in an entirely new direction forever. Perhaps they will do it again. Thank you universe for so much clarity, excitement and possibility in the direction of inspiration.
I am coming to see that things are always working out for me. For all of us.